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Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Being painfully blunt...
Does that dress make you look fat?
"no, your fat makes you look fat".
I know I'm horrible for even thinking that but fat is a state of mind. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people think Hayden Pantierei or whatthefuckever (her name is) is a hot peice (myself included)... Some people prefer the fallopian tube hat.
I'm Marylin Monroe size, but I feel like Farrah Fawcett size... Thanks guys for making me feel way less fat than I really am!
"no, your fat makes you look fat".
I know I'm horrible for even thinking that but fat is a state of mind. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people think Hayden Pantierei or whatthefuckever (her name is) is a hot peice (myself included)... Some people prefer the fallopian tube hat.
I'm Marylin Monroe size, but I feel like Farrah Fawcett size... Thanks guys for making me feel way less fat than I really am!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Physical Pain
Normally I like my posts to be happy and cheerful but today I dont have it in me. I spend 80% of my life in real physical pain. I've been this way since the 11th grade. My knees ache. My migraines are curbed for now but at expense of my stomach. This morning I woke up in tears, my knees were straight but they were stabbingly painful if I moved at all...I've turned into a pothead since cymbalta came along. I literally forget to eat unless its the munchies. This also leads to some awkward situations. I'd prefer to not pass out on a first date again...
The embarrassment of being in this state... At the group home, as puberty hit, my knees started dislocating. They self align as soon as I straighten my leg, so for the next 5 years I randomly dislocate them at awkward times like, a school dance... where I ended ass up in a skirt, lost a contact, and left in an ambulance... or at karaoke
in DC, Adams Morgan... where I finish a wonderful rendition of Amy Winehouse with a dislocation as I step off the stage which results in a free cab ride to a hospital... Or how about the time where I conclude a romantic interlude with an ear splitting scream that attracted local authorities...
The point is.. I'm done with legs. These legs. Chop'm off. I could use some upper body workouts anyway....
The embarrassment of being in this state... At the group home, as puberty hit, my knees started dislocating. They self align as soon as I straighten my leg, so for the next 5 years I randomly dislocate them at awkward times like, a school dance... where I ended ass up in a skirt, lost a contact, and left in an ambulance... or at karaoke
in DC, Adams Morgan... where I finish a wonderful rendition of Amy Winehouse with a dislocation as I step off the stage which results in a free cab ride to a hospital... Or how about the time where I conclude a romantic interlude with an ear splitting scream that attracted local authorities...
The point is.. I'm done with legs. These legs. Chop'm off. I could use some upper body workouts anyway....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Lets Weld!
Can someone be too sweet? I have friends that are skeptics... DNA tests? Background checks?
Ok, I could see a google search, a facebook check. In this day and age you should at least know each other on facebook by the first date, save the spontanious ones...
Is it mildly gluttonous to bathe in someones affection, even if your not sure what the attraction is? It sure feels that way...
He's coming to visit soon and I almost feel like I've come to know more about him via the distanced conversations we've had since I left Florida. I'm being very cautious about this one...
I started welding class today, total meat market. There is one girl in there who is very tall and apparently very accustomed to the cold weather. Its mostly high school kids and a few trucker-style old men. The teacher is about 95 and a vice principal but has his shit together. I just wished he talked faster. I have evil plans to create crude figurines out of nuts and bolts and screws of stick figure type Kama Sutra positions... I will sell them and then: Profit!
Much planning in the future, and saving. I'm spending more money in gas then anything else.Its freezing cold outside and I'm eagerly awaiting warmer climate....
State of the Union address was more of another hope speech. I want to hear how we are currently doing, not what we want to do next. Lame...
Ok, I could see a google search, a facebook check. In this day and age you should at least know each other on facebook by the first date, save the spontanious ones...
Is it mildly gluttonous to bathe in someones affection, even if your not sure what the attraction is? It sure feels that way...
He's coming to visit soon and I almost feel like I've come to know more about him via the distanced conversations we've had since I left Florida. I'm being very cautious about this one...
I started welding class today, total meat market. There is one girl in there who is very tall and apparently very accustomed to the cold weather. Its mostly high school kids and a few trucker-style old men. The teacher is about 95 and a vice principal but has his shit together. I just wished he talked faster. I have evil plans to create crude figurines out of nuts and bolts and screws of stick figure type Kama Sutra positions... I will sell them and then: Profit!
Much planning in the future, and saving. I'm spending more money in gas then anything else.Its freezing cold outside and I'm eagerly awaiting warmer climate....
State of the Union address was more of another hope speech. I want to hear how we are currently doing, not what we want to do next. Lame...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Rules about my blog, for you.
In my decision to write about myself and my life honestly I have always held to the standard that I refuse to answer any questions about my blog. I am aware that some people will read this and perhaps may be exposed to a very raw and honest, and sometimes embarrassing truths about me. This is cathartic for me and provides alot for me mentally. The minute that I begin to acknowledge any comments or questions about my blog I will then begin to write for an audience. I have an audience, but it is assumed for the that I do not know my audience. If I am aware of my audience, or those who read my blog, then I know I will write with the knowledge that a specific person is reading into what I'm writing...
With all that being said, Here are my Rules...
Dont ask me anything about what you read here...
Leave all comments anonymously.
Be nice.
With all that being said, Here are my Rules...
Dont ask me anything about what you read here...
Leave all comments anonymously.
Be nice.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Big Ideas!
So its 2:22 am and i'm slightly drunk. 2 shots, my max for any night now but i've had an amazing idea...
"Sometimes you meet someone and your guts just burn..."
I have recently discovered that the Big Pine property is empty. I have a first time home buyers credit. I have a friend who is ASE certified Master Mechanic that would teach... I want to open the home up for teens 15 and up who want to learn Auto Mechanics. Our goal would be to get teens to be Master ASE Mechanics when they turn 18.
This is worth looking into. I have questions gathering, ideas brewing. People to talk to...
Do you want to help out? Email me at ticklesoda@yahoo.com
"Sometimes you meet someone and your guts just burn..."
I have recently discovered that the Big Pine property is empty. I have a first time home buyers credit. I have a friend who is ASE certified Master Mechanic that would teach... I want to open the home up for teens 15 and up who want to learn Auto Mechanics. Our goal would be to get teens to be Master ASE Mechanics when they turn 18.
This is worth looking into. I have questions gathering, ideas brewing. People to talk to...
Do you want to help out? Email me at ticklesoda@yahoo.com
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A few goals
Save for Nikon.
Write every day.
Learn how to be a better friend.
Open a savings account.
Be more physically active at least twice a week.
Make money.
Study Buddhism more.
Start a No Shame in Shephardstown.
Go Rollerskating.
Spend more time outside.
Write every day.
Learn how to be a better friend.
Open a savings account.
Be more physically active at least twice a week.
Make money.
Study Buddhism more.
Start a No Shame in Shephardstown.
Go Rollerskating.
Spend more time outside.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Nohari/Johari and Self Realization
Wanna find out what your friends really think of you?
Take a look at my window, and if you'd like, contribute. The Nohari Window, http://kevan.org/nohari?view=ticklesoda is a pessimistic or negative view of your personality while the Johari Window, http://kevan.org/johari?view=ticklesoda is about your positive attributes. I find myself doing one of these every year to see how far I've come but I'm hard pressed to get people to actually do it.
Its all about personal growth to some extent. I go thru periods of great growth and self-realization, usually after great periods of self destructive behavior. Now that the destructive behavior for the season is over I can grow up a little...
Next on my list of things to do: Welding Class? Register for Motorcycle class... Fix whatever is wrong with the van. New brakes... Make money.
I'm working a temp spot doing paperwork organization and it has been very tedious. I am unable to think about anything other than what I am currently doing. The sorting and the stapling and the blah blah blah. Its good pay but I'd rather be thinking about other things, like whats going on. I cant even play the radio because I'm working with numbers and I cant focus on both at the same time. Jon Stewart is on (le sigh) and I'm not paying attention, my focus is on the typing. Welcome to ADD...
Take a look at my window, and if you'd like, contribute. The Nohari Window, http://kevan.org/nohari?view=ticklesoda is a pessimistic or negative view of your personality while the Johari Window, http://kevan.org/johari?view=ticklesoda is about your positive attributes. I find myself doing one of these every year to see how far I've come but I'm hard pressed to get people to actually do it.
Its all about personal growth to some extent. I go thru periods of great growth and self-realization, usually after great periods of self destructive behavior. Now that the destructive behavior for the season is over I can grow up a little...
Next on my list of things to do: Welding Class? Register for Motorcycle class... Fix whatever is wrong with the van. New brakes... Make money.
I'm working a temp spot doing paperwork organization and it has been very tedious. I am unable to think about anything other than what I am currently doing. The sorting and the stapling and the blah blah blah. Its good pay but I'd rather be thinking about other things, like whats going on. I cant even play the radio because I'm working with numbers and I cant focus on both at the same time. Jon Stewart is on (le sigh) and I'm not paying attention, my focus is on the typing. Welcome to ADD...
Whats that smell?
Its the smell of cat shit and shame...
I'm starting this blog because I need a damn hobby. Really. I'm an alcoholic and a stoner and a wannabe mechanic who hates cold weather. I've got to find something better to do than drink. This mission has become priority number one after last nights events, which I am mostly unaware of. I've been getting stories all day, and just when I think I cant fuck up anymore, another story comes in. I've pissed off pretty much everyone in town and dissed my roomates and hurt my friends.
Apparently drinking on an empty stomach leads to amazingly poor decisions in a very small amount of time.
So now in addition to all this I'm simultaneously fucking up the one really good thing i have going right now. Some very cool friends have invited me into their home and I have had difficulty growing the fuck up. I possess the knowledge to do this and so since i haven't something needs to change. This means getting sober. I have no clue how I'm going to manage this, and chances are I'll smoke if someone offers, but I cant have it at home every day and night. I'm no where near as functional as I thought I was. So I'll hit up the club for happy hour AA meetings a few days a week again... and just listen. The last few times I've gone I've always thougth about what i was gonna say... so now i'm gonna go and just keep my mouth shut.
:I've got damage control to do, which normally is pretty good with when its a workplace thing, but having never lived in one place very long, I don't know how to do much more than hide during confrontations. I think I may have also learned that from my mom.
I'm starting this blog because I need a damn hobby. Really. I'm an alcoholic and a stoner and a wannabe mechanic who hates cold weather. I've got to find something better to do than drink. This mission has become priority number one after last nights events, which I am mostly unaware of. I've been getting stories all day, and just when I think I cant fuck up anymore, another story comes in. I've pissed off pretty much everyone in town and dissed my roomates and hurt my friends.
Apparently drinking on an empty stomach leads to amazingly poor decisions in a very small amount of time.
So now in addition to all this I'm simultaneously fucking up the one really good thing i have going right now. Some very cool friends have invited me into their home and I have had difficulty growing the fuck up. I possess the knowledge to do this and so since i haven't something needs to change. This means getting sober. I have no clue how I'm going to manage this, and chances are I'll smoke if someone offers, but I cant have it at home every day and night. I'm no where near as functional as I thought I was. So I'll hit up the club for happy hour AA meetings a few days a week again... and just listen. The last few times I've gone I've always thougth about what i was gonna say... so now i'm gonna go and just keep my mouth shut.
:I've got damage control to do, which normally is pretty good with when its a workplace thing, but having never lived in one place very long, I don't know how to do much more than hide during confrontations. I think I may have also learned that from my mom.
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